You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
