Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
