The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
