I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
