erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
