I got chris browned last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
