Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
