Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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