just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
