He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
