Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Damn victory sex feels great
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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