Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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