I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I died a long time ago.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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