worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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