The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
