Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
