I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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