Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
