your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
her vagine was all disorganized.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
