I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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