she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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