my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
