I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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