he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
