If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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