haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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