When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
