she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if only i could text you this smell
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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