why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
