bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
