I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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