Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
