do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
