So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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