We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
