I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
