4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
