He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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