Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize