Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
