so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
