Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
