I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
