can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
