do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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