maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
