Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
