it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
