I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
