fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just saw a hot homeless man
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
