i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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