Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
