I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
