We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
