I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
